Shame on me!! All of six posts, out of which one is a forward, and my sense of humor dried up??

Naah! I am still a nut as I used to be.. just a busy nut these days. Gotta gear up and write.. right?

Don't Take Risk

Fear not! This ain't mine. Just posting a forward to keep you guys engaged so that you won't bother me for a new post yet ;)! Hope you like it!

---

Peg after Peg ..................

I never take risk while drinking
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage
Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out
for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the
sink

Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep it
in
the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you say that again, I
will
cut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...

I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

Iyer is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take what???

Save Me From the Dentists!

Part I - The Innocent First Visit

I HATE dentists. Let me tell you that up front. So if you are, by any chance, a dentist lover, go. Now.

Those who are still reading, probably share my dread of the "zuiiiiii", the "khhrrrr" and the "AAAAAH!!" (the last one coming from my mouth!). Every time I enter the dentist's office and I see all those menacing women wearing deceptively colorful clothes with sweet, devilish smiles on their face, my heart begins to beat faster and my knees go weak. I mean, come on! Being splayed at strangest of angles on a chair from which weird instruments jut out like tentacles, your mouth agape in an unnatural 'Awwww', masked women hovering over you, devising various strategies of torture, and you cannot even scream or protest. Now that is the stuff of nightmares!! Won't you agree?

In India it was not so bad, for I had carefully chosen a really handsome dentist. So, even as I would be screaming and cursing and cringing, at least, I had something nice to look at! But, here, I go to an all-women dental office and I am not so lucky anymore. **sigh**

Last January, I was in the middle of fixing a tough bug when the phone on my desk rang.

"Hyaallo ArundhdhAAti, this is Sammy from Devil Dental! How are you?" A nasal, falsely perky voice greeted me.

"Umm me? Umm yeah, I am okay!" I replied with sinking feeling. I remembered that my Dental Insurance has just renewed and I was now a goat eligible for a fresh, yummy $2000 from the insurance - all for grabs by the dentist.

"I hyave to schyedule you for clyeaning and chyekup." Sammy (Shyama) went on in a fake accent.

My mind began working furiously, looking for excuses.

"I am very busy Shyama!" I insist on calling her Shyama, "I will call you later."

"Lyater is no good! Tyell me now"

"Later, Shyama." I said firmly.

"Okay! I will khall you"

And call she did! Morning, afternoon, evening she hounded me relentlessly, until, finally, I set up an appointment. But, no, she won't rest there! She hounded me further with reminders until the day I showed up for the appointment.

On the day of the appointment, I arrived at the Devil Dental office nervously, and, almost immediately was pounced upon by four of the dental assistants. In a matter of minutes, I was half sitting, half lying on the strange chair, gaping at a bright light overhead, a bib around my neck, my mouth wide open with something stuffed in it and my eyes wide with terror.

"Wyait for the daaktar, okay?" Shyama said sweetly and all of them left me alone in that precarious state.

I shifted my eyes from the bright light that almost blinded me to the posters on the wall.

"Beware of the periodontal decease!" One poster warned and I flinched at the pictures of bloody gums and twisted jaws that seemed to grin back at me.

"Love your dentist, for she loves you." said another. "Yeah right!" I thought. "She loves my $2000 for sure!"

"Has your child seen a dentist lately?" The window in my front screamed to the world. I saw it written backwards, of course, but kept myself busy, figuring out what it said, for by now my mouth had started to hurt.

Just as I was beginning to think about escaping while no one was watching, the doctor arrived.

"Hellooo" she said sweetly "Let us take your x-rays okay?"

Without waiting for a response the army of her assistants assaulted me once more. They began poking, prodding, twisting my mouth and putting in painful, weird chips of sorts, asking me to bite on their end. The x-ray is one of the most sadistic part of dentistry, I thought! But I was wrong, for there were far more menaces in store for me.

I was made to sit there once more, until the x-rays were developed. Thankfully, this time, they allowed me to close my mouth. In a while the doctor and her troupe marched in, delighted.

"Your teeth need a lot of work!!" The doctor said (I suspected that she was struggling to hide the glee in her voice). She went on to show me the x-rays and I was horrified at how my teeth looked in it.

"There, do you see the nasty cavity?" She said, and pointed to a twisted tooth, with a gaping black hole.

I looked at her pleadingly, hoping she would not utter those dreadful words. But no, I was not so lucky.

"ROOT CANAL!!" She declared "You will need a Root Canal!"

And my heart sank. I felt as if I was given the death sentence. I looked for help at her assistants. But they were all grinning triumphantly and I found that I had no savior in this world. I looked longingly at the door, and realized that I could not run away, with these enormous women blocking it. Finally, stupidly, sheepishly, I succumbed and nodded my agreement to do the procedure. Even then, I did not realize what I was getting myself into ...

Part II - Shaken From The Roots

Root canal is a procedure that is so incredibly sadistic that, surely, it must have been originally intended as a torture technique. I mean isn't it genius, how many different ways can you torture a single tooth?

The procedure began with trying to numb me on the side where the procedure was to be performed. Again, the masked menacing women, peered over me intently while I was asked to open my mouth.

The doctor took out an enormous needle and gave me a sweet smile, before poking in my gum.

"esshsh!" I gave a decrepit sound

Then to my horror, she tapped my cavity-ridden tooth.

"Does that hurt?" She asked

"AWww Awww AWWW WW!" Me

"Oh it does?"

Duh Said the look on my face.

She brought out another needle, and poked me again.

"YAAYAYAYA" I screamed.

Again, she tapped my cavity ridden tooth!

This time the AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW was longer and resonating!

"Uh oh!" She said, surprised. And poked me with the needleagain!!!

"Now?" She said, tapping on the tooth.

I was in no position for the Awww, my eyes brimmed with tears instead.

"You are a tough cookie eh?" She said, bringing out the needle again.

After a few rounds of poking and tapping, I was drowsy but STILL not numb on that side. Finally, she gave up and decided to begin with the procedure.

The nightmare had begun!

In the next hour and half, I was assaulted with every single instrument in the book of dentistry, each one of them, more evil than the other. All I remember now is the cacophony of "zuiiiii" "khrrrrr" "hissss hiss hisss" "bhrrrr" and a series of "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWs"

In time, all that remained of my tooth was a sorry little piece that poked out of my gum.

But, she was not done yet! What she was about to do now seemed like the most interesting part of the procedure, for now I saw the army of assistants peer down interestedly.

And, to my horror, she put some kind of acid in the tooth and I jumped out of the chair. The force with which I jumped was such that I knocked over the instrument tray and made the assistants ran helter-skelter. It was the worst tasting thing I had ever put in my mouth! It was bitter and sour and it burned the hell out of my mouth!

After pushing me back in the chair and re-ordering the instrument tray, the doctor began the rest of the procedure with the dispassionateness of a monk. She began putting in some kind of pins in my tooth and, without paying attention to my cries, patiently removed every single nerve while the assistants watched in fascination.

By this time I was praying!

"Dear God Almighty, please please liberate me from this nightmare! I will be a nice girl from tomorrow!!"

And then, suddenly, the doctor backed off and smiled.

"You are done!" She said sweetly and I could not believe my ears!

"Yes, you are done!" She said perkily, nudging me a little, for I would not move. I felt disoriented, like a prisoner who has been confined to a cell for years and released suddenly.

"Oh wait!" She said, and my heart sank, "June, can you take the impression for her crown, while she is still, umm, almost numb?"

"OOH Shulle!" June, the Vietnamese assistant, came forward, eagerly.


Part III - The Crowned Queen of Dentistry

Now, to put things in perspective, let me tell you something about June. June is incredibly dumb!

One day, the doctor had told me, while she was performing a procedure on a patient, she pressed her foot against the lever that is supposed to make the instruments work. Nothing happened. She pressed harder, still, nothing!

The doctor: "June, this instrument is not working!"

June: "Doctor, you are pressing against my phoot!"

So, this June came scuttling with the material for the cast and sat beside me. She was going to put the soft material of the cast around my teeth. As the material hardens, it takes on the impression of the teeth and later they use this impression to create the crown. It takes about five minutes for the material to harden and during this time, you are supposed to clench your teeth as hard as you can and not open your mouth until the cast is done.

June put the material for the cast around my teeth, and for some bizarre reason put her finger on the cast, in my mouth.

Distractedly she said, "Bite"

And I bit!

She yelped! "NOT MY PHINGER!!!! YOU BIT MY PHINGER!!!"

"EEE EEE EEE" Said I, for I was supposed to bite down hard!

And, now, June was stuck because we had to wait for the cast to harden. June could not remove her finger from my mouth for FIVE whole minutes!!

There we were, the two of us sitting awkwardly - Me with my teeth clenched and June with her finger in MY mouth!

"LOOOK Whaa my patient did to me! LOOK Whaa my patient did to me!!!" For next five minutes, June was wailing and I could not even say sorry. Trust me, it is no fun sitting there with another woman's finger in YOUR mouth!

Thankfully in five minutes it was done and June's finger was off my mouth and also the cast. But there was one last thing to be done!

"I will put the tempeloly clown on your tooth." June informed and went to get the temporary crown.

"Okay open." She said once she was back.

I opened my tired mouth.

"I will poot Seemen in your mouth" She said

"WHAAAAT?" I asked, horror-struck.

"Seemen and clown, I will poot tempeloly Seemen to fix the clown!"

Thankfully, I understood that she meant she will put cement to fix the crown. But, honestly, after what I had been through, I was in a state that I could have believed anything.

Finally, I was off that day with a temporary crown on the tooth, a promise of a brand new permanent crown, coming soon.

But my travails were not quite over as the permanent crown came the next week, but did not fit me. The caste had to be done five times after that, for every time my freaking tooth would move from it's original place! Going to the dentist's office had become a weekly lunch time ritual! Every time I would go there, June would avoid me like plague and other dental assistants were extra careful, not to put their limbs in my mouth!

Finally after a month and half since the dreadful procedure, the crown fit me! The doctor ceremoniously installed the crown and declared that it was a perfect fit. The assistants nodded their approval. I stood up and walked out tall - The Crowned Queen of Dentistry.

On my way out, I was handed a bill for $500. The insurance had not covered that amount. As I handed my credit card, I promised myself, I will NEVER see a dentist again.. Well for another year at least!

This Blog SHALL be updated!

Waking up...will update soon! I ain't neglecting it..Promissse!

The Sizzling Barbeque (Part II) - The Perfect Moooo ment

Here I am, by popular (!) demand, telling you rest of the story of the day of the sizzling barbeque. You can find the first part of the story here.

So, like I said, the half-burnt, ash-ridden, resolutely-cooked lunch was consumed at around 3 PM and we decided to help our bodies to digest it (Sure, our bodies needed all the help they could get!) by taking a walk. This park that we went to is in a hilly area of the bay area, so the track led us to the top of a small hill.

Now, my friends, let me tell you this, five software engineers (and one commerce graduate) taking a walk is a BIG event. You see, movement, of any kind, is considered absolutely unnecessary in a programmer's life. We think that the only life worth living is with our backsides stuck to the chairs, our eyes stuck to the monitor, our brains stuck to the code therin and our fingers stuck to a keyboard. Hell, if we have to talk to a person who sits in the next isle of cubes, we won't walk over, we send them an email!

So, this glorious evening, when we set out for a walk, that too on a hill, I can't tell you how proud we felt.

Huffing and puffing, we walked on the winding, narrow trail, one after other, and inched towards the top of the hill. Once we reached on top, we were,obviously, tired and decided to take a break. We stood in a line on the narrow track, looking down at the view spread before us. That is when, suddenly, somebody realized that we had company. We looked around and saw a herd of cows, ambling and grazing around us, ignoring our existence as if we were fixtures of the landscape.

But, fixtures we were, as all six of us were frozen with terror. This bovine invasion had caught us quite off guard.

American cows, I tell you, are nothing like Indian cows. They are enormous, they are far dumber and, they look very very menacing. None of us had seen a cow up close before, neither did we have any clue whatsoever how to deal with one! And, here, around us, was an entire herd.

"Let's go let's get out of here," Neal, who got to his senses first, whispered!

"Yes, Yes!" Shyam concurred, but did not move.

"MOVE!" Neal almost screamed and frustrated, nudged Shyam who practically fell on Raj. Startled, Raj began to half run, half walk, thinking it was a cow that pushed him. Watching Raj bolt, the whole group found it's feet and began to walk briskly.

But, this was not an easy option. The track was narrow and the cows were everywhere. Some were even standing squarely in the middle of the track. We could not run fast as we thought this will alert the cows. Add to the fact that each one of us was terrified and you get the picture!

That is when, I, the first person in the line, suddenly had an attack of courage. I chose this moment to get the following great philosophical revelation:

'These, are just cows, they should not do anything to us, as we have not done anything to them'

And, to the horror of the group, instead of running, I began to walk, slowly. Suddenly, people behind me were stuck. They were not able to bypass me, with the cows around them and I won't move fast either. Not only this, much to the chagrin of the group, I actually began to laugh at our befuddlement.

Shyam, who was somewhere behind, could not believe his eyes!

"Oye Arundhati, bhaag bhaaaaaaag!(Arundhati, run run)" He began to scream!

"Arundhati, stop laughing! Don't laugh at the cow, she will get angry!" Raj warned, almost whimpering.

"It's okay guys, these are cows. Cows don't hurt us" I tried to pacify them.

"ARUNDHATIIIIIIIII! HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS ONE?" A hoarse scream came from the very back of the group.

Sure enough, Atul, who was at the very end found himself being chased by a cow. The cow, inexplicably, had begun to run towards something that caught her eye and Atul and consequently all of us, were in her track.

This was a historical moment, because, I have never seen the rather well fed and decidedly non-athletic Atul move so fast. He ran with remarkable alacrity and caused the whole group to bolt at top speed.

I wonder sometimes, if someone was shooting with a video camera, how would the whole scene look - Five plump software engineers and a scrawny commerce graduate, chased by an enormous cow!

I don't believe we have ever run faster than this as a group. We did not even stop to look behind, until we reached the end of the hilltop. Then, we descended slowly and nobody spoke of the cows till we came to safe ground, near the car parking.

The only dialog that came in the end was by Atul. He came to me, while I was sitting
in the car, and said, quite seriously,

"Arundhati, my friend, do you know what would have happened if you had continued with your philosophical attack? We would have all found ourselves stuck to the cow's horns like the chicken was stuck to the skewers! Thank you, thank you so much for waking up and RUNNING!"

Then he turned around, shrugged his shoulders, and walked, with is usual pace, to his car.

The Sizzling Barbeque (Part I) - From Ashes to Stomach

As summer approaches the Americans bring out the shortest of their shorts and the smallest of the bikinis. They bring something else out of its hiding place - the barbeque grills. As afternoon stretches on lazily way into the night, the smell of barbequed meat is in the air in almost every neighborhood.

We the Desis (Indians) in America, or the DBCAs (Des Born Confused Americans) , like to try out everything the Americans do, but with a Desi twist. So, if they grill beef, we would grill kababs. (Well, the kababs are from Afghan stores, not exactly the Desi ones, but then, we Desis consider anything on the East of the US as Des, as and when it is convenient!) If the Americans grill corn, we grill corn but put some chilly powder on it. Why, we even have such a thing as vegetarian barbeque! Our bikinis cover our bottoms and our tops and everything that can be covered and our shorts are, ermm, longs!

So, one summer weekend, a group of eight of us decided to have our very first barbeque in the US in a nearby county park. Enthusiastic as we are, we planned the event days ahead; visited websites and got printouts of the howtos and whatnots, made shopping lists, ordered the pre-marinated kababs at the Afghan stores, got the coal and the matchsticks, the lighter fluids, the chips, the drinks, the cool boxes and everything else we could think of. Six of us landed at the park first and other two were supposed to reach later. We had asked the friends who was joining us later to bring some bellpeppers, a knife and and some onions.

We found a perfect, wooded spot that was close to the road but closer to a stream. As we eagerly gathered around the barbeque grill in the park, thinking that we had everything we needed to have a perfect barbeque, we realized that we did not have one vital ingredient - knowledge. Amongst the group of five software engineers and one commerce graduate, not a single soul had any idea how to light a barbeque grill! As each one of us took turns examining the ancient, rusted, open air grill and we were stumped. In front of us was a humongous task of answering questions like:

'Do we put the coal below the grill or above the grill?'

'Do we put the lighting fluid on coal before lighting it or after lighting it?'

'Do we put the meat directly on the coal or do we wait for the coal to heat the grill and then put the meat on the grill?' But then, the grill was oh, so dirty!

All of us scratched our heads, looked at the instructions on the crumpled bag of coal and tried to make sense out of this. But none of it made any sense. The grill that we had in front of us looked nothing like the nice, nifty grill drawn on the bag of coal. Ours was old, was fixed to the ground, being in open, it was covered with dirt and grime, it had really fat rods of steel and it seemed that the only way it could be heated was with a forest fire!

We even went around to other barbeque spots to steal a glimpse of what they were doing. But most people had brought their own nice, clean grills. Also, we were too embarrassed to ask other people how to light the stupid barbeque grill, without risking being thought of as prehistoric morons!

Finally, after much deliberation, a decision was made to put the coal under the grill and light it with the lighting fluid and wait for the grill to heat so that the 'bacteria' would be killed! Also, we had absolutely nothing to clean the grill with! That’s when, someone got a brilliant idea of 'sacrificing' one kabab to clean the grill. As the coal heated the grill from below, we actually took a piece of chicken and wiped the grill clean with it!

But, in this whole process of trial and error, none of us realized that our supply of coal was dwindling. By the time the grill was reasonably clean and the coal was heated, only enough coal to make a thin layer remained and that much was not sufficient to reach the thick rods of steel. It was way past 2 and the only piece of chicken cooked was the one we used to clean the grill with! Our stomachs were growling, the sun was shining above our heads and the two friends who were supposed to come later, had all but disappeared! As you might have guessed, by now, the tempers were running high.

Then, we applied our collective software engineers' brain and found a not-so-efficient-but-fix-it-quickly solution. We decided to make an assembly line - one person would put the lighter fluid on the coal, the other would put the match stick to make a flame, the next person would fan the flame to dissipate the harmful fumes, the next one would put the chicken on it and the last one would pick the flame-broiled chicken onto a paper plate, ready to be consumed. This way, the whole team was busy making a meal, just as they would be in the caveman days.

Meanwhile, everyone had forgotten about the two friends who were supposed to arrive with the bell pepper, the onion and the knife. We later learned, that while we all peered down intently at the grill, in anticipation of a meal, our friends had arrived at the park, which is about 30 miles away from habitation, and had searched for us all over the place. They had even looked at the adjacent barbeque spot to ours, but missed the one we were on. After looking for us for more than two hours, they had cursed us for starving them and stormed out of the park with an empty stomach, two bell peppers, one onion and one knife and driven thirty miles to civilization and McDonalds! As it turns out, they were the only well fed couple amongst us that day!

At around 3, our meal was finally ready. The chicken was sort of burnt, but edible, the chips and drinks were still there and we had even managed to grill some corn and mushrooms to round it off. We were so hungry that we chewed the chicken resolutely and none of us complained about the little crunch of ash and the aftertaste of dirt that was left in our mouth as we swallowed it. I remember secretly praying my body to be able to digest whatever it was that I was feeding it right now!

So there ends the story of the sizzling barbeque. There was much more to the day, but I will tell you about it in the next post ;)! Till then, chew on this one, and see if you get the aftertaste of spicy humor!

....Dave

It all started with me lusting after an Evening Gown in the mall.

"I want to buy that one!" I said to hubby, drooling.

Hubby snickered! "Sure, you can!", he said. "But you have two options, either have a waist like that," he said pointing to the mannequin, "or see if the shop has an alteration service for, ermm, plumper women!"

"I am NOT fat!" I said frowning and drew my tummy in.

"Of course not, dear!" He said, rather too sweetly and pretended to be distracted by an electronics shop.

Rest of the shopping trip, the CPU in my head was working furiously, trying to make sense out of this greatest revelation.

In the evening I went to the gym, still thinking about what was wrong with my waistline. That's when I saw him and that's when I had my Eureka moment. He was seeing off a client, with whom he had just finished a workout. His hair was a bit tousled and his forehead glistened with sweat. He wore the dress the gym instructors wore, and I must admit, he looked rather cute in it. He turned around and I almost pounced on him.

"Hi, I was looking for a personal trainer" I said, rather too loudly, bringing out my sweetest dimpled smile.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, a bit startled by my sudden assault. "Ummm, well, do you want to sit down?" He said pointing to a chair. "I am Dave" he stretched his hand to shake mine.

Rest of the meeting I did not hear anything about the personal training package that he was shoving down my throat. My mind was already warmed with the dream of me in the evening gown with a narrow waist, a distraught hubby, poorer by a thousand Dollars, and Dave walking me down the path of the glory like a Knight in the Shining Armor.

I got out of the gym, an hour later, without a workout and with the first appointment with Dave next week.

Then after I went home, I could not resist the temptation of seeing that look on hubby's face.

"You know what?" I said.

"Whaaat?" Hubby said,stifling a yawn, without taking his eyes off the TV.

"I just spent a thousand Dollars!" I said.

"WHAAAAAAAAT?" Hubby almost screamed.

And I looked at him triumphantly. Finally, I had won over the TV!

"I bought a personal training package, to reduce my body fat." I said in the special voice that women use to calm their husbands down.

"OMYGOD! CRAZYGIRL!" He said, still freaked.

"Wasn't it YOU who said I should reduce my waist?" I said, bringing out my fake tears. "Don't you always say that money spent on health are not wasted at all?" I said, meekly. "Besides, its too late to cancel now!"

Now, hubby found himself at a loss of words. He merely frowned and rolled his eyes. Later, I think, he went online to check the credit card balances and rolled his eyes some more. Thank God for having a husband of few words!

The next day, I brought up the topic of personal training again. The problem is, you see, I cannot hide anything from hubby. I have got to tell him everything about everything, including and especially, the gossips. I could not possibly leave out this significant information - how handsome Dave really was.

"Hey" I said, "You know what?"

"What is it now?" Hubby said, this time promptly turning off the TV and giving me FULL attention.

"This Dave"

"What Dave?"

"My personal trainer Dave"

"Hmph!"

"He is HOT!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, he is the cutest thing I have ever seen!"

"God, this woman has NO shame!" Hubby said, rolling his eyes as I tickled him some more, giggling.

From that day, hubby christened him 'Hot Dave'

"So, when is your appointment with Hot Dave?" He would ask. "I saw your Hot Dave in the gym," he would inform me, after his workout.

And, me being me, the name 'Hot Dave' stuck in my mind. So much so, that whenever I thought about my waist, I would think of 'Hot Dave'.

For the rest of the week, I went slack on my food and my exercise. After all Hot Dave would soon be fixing me, isn't it?

A week passed and the day of my first appointment with Hot Dave came. I went to the gym, eagerly, still, as usual, I was late for the appointment.

I grabbed my sack from my car, and stormed into the gym, five minutes past the appointment time. I saw the receptionist checking the gym cards and charged to her. I fumbled through the sack for my card, which is never at the same place, finally found it and held it up to her, triumphantly.

She smiled at me with the plastic smile and shoved my card to back to me and immediately looked away, as if I no longer existed.

"Hi I was here for personal training" I almost screamed, hoping that she could hear me over the blaring music.

"Yes?" She said and the silly plastic smile was back on her face.

"I am here for Hot Dave!" I said, screaming louder.

The smile on her face vanished and she looked at me startled!

"HOT DAVE! I WANT TO SEE HOT DAVE!" I screamed louder, thinking she could not hear me.

She looked scandalized and pointed me to someone standing behind a huge placard. It was Dave. He came to me and smiled nervously and exchanged a look with the receptionist.

That's when, I suddenly realized what I had just said.

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! I said to myself, and almost rapped myself on the head.

Dear Lord Almighty! I called him HOT, on his face, I admitted to myself ruefully!

The color on my cheeks faded and I followed him meekly, hoping the earth splits and takes me in! The rest of the workout I was hoping that the sky falls on both of them, especially the lizard of a receptionist outside, who, I was sure, was now tittering behind my back, or I hoped I got some magical powers to erase their memories. God! How I felt like shaking them and scrubbing them clean!

Dave, however, was sweet. He acted as if nothing happened and we conducted the rest of the training session. But, I was unable to look at him in the eye....

I have twenty more sessions to go. Do you think he will forget this? :(